standing still

It seems like I'm in an ever changing season. Like I can't get a grip on the ground around me. Everything is always spinning, always changing, hopefully always in a "positive forward" kind of way..but nonetheless.
Recently Evan and I decided that we need to have a "home base" of sorts. We asked his boss initially if that base could be in Nevada. He said for the time being he wants us closer to the east coast, where the majority of MP Clinics are. Evan needs to be accessible and Nevada can really rack up the flight costs. SO- on a recent stop through Nashville we decided (after much prayer and thought) that we would make a home base here for a number of reasons. The first most important reason is that I had so much peace here on our stop through. To be honest, I haven't had peace like that in a city for well, as long as I can remember. I've never felt at "home" here in TN, as everyone already knows;)- I think I've worn that one out.
The second reason was because our friends are here and we miss the commradarie BIG TIME. We miss our loved ones. We need a community right now more than ever (most of you know what I'm talking about).
SO- here we are in Franklin once again- but this time it's joyful!:) We are so happy in our adorable condo that we've rented. It's just fabulous! Evan is still traveling like crazy- and hopefully we'll be able to make some trips with him, but for the time being me and the boys are standing still. It feels good to sort of "stop" and take a deep breath.
There has been some family issues that we've been dealing with over the past year, as a lot of you know. I've been hesitant to blog about it even though writing it out does help quite a huge deal. Right now I just want to say (without getting into detail) that things are still incredibly rough and we would really appreciate prayers. It's been a hard season, not only for me and Evan but also for the boys. They have had to deal with more than they should have. It's quite unfortunate. Evan and I have tried to protect them as much as we can, and I think they're doing well considering. By the way- for those of you who aren't sure what I'm referring to, my parents, brother, and his wife have been dealing with issues that stem from our dysfunctional (at best) life together. This past year has brought about issues that need to be dealt with in order for us to continue on in any sort of healthy relationship. (which is the ultimate goal) Unfortunately it's affected not only us as adults, but also my children. I really hope that our "home base" here in Franklin will provide opportunities to continue on our healing path towards restoration.
When I was talking with God about staying here in Franklin, He spoke to me in His gentle perfect way about our future. Holy Spirit and I are working towards communication- learning how to hear Him and not be afraid. He's teaching me about fear- He's showing me His unconditional love. He's showing me the area's that need to still be healed in my spirit. It's been so difficult going through every next layer of who I am and trying to receive wholeness. It sounds odd to "try to receive wholeness", I mean, why can't a person just take it?! It's almost as if I don't trust wholeness because who would I be? Would I like that person? Would I even recognize myself? I'm learning to trust that who I'm destined to be is who I WANT to be. Thats a hard thing for me to grasp- as person who always wants to be in control. It's hard for me to let go of my protectors- who would I be without them?
As I step into (or dive into) this next healing season, I'm excited to watch God do His thing. I'm excited to trust Him.
Right now I'm reading the Twilight books and I'm enamored by Edwards love for Bella. I can't stop reading the books because I'm addicted to his addiction to her. I want to see what else he's going to do for her- or say to her- or give to her. I can't stop watching them together (so to speak). It's absolutely mind blowing that Jesus loves me more passionately than Edward loves Bella, that He wants to give me more than Edward wants to give to Bella. I'm honestly getting a revelation through their relationship and it's so huge it's going to take time to truly set in. I think that Jesus is cooler than a vampire;) and that He's going to blow my mind with His power. I can't freaking wait!

As an ending note- I want to stress how grateful I am for prayers and support. My friends have been incredible through this season, I could never thank you enough! This year will make a great chapter in my future book;).
xoxo